I bet you can't stop me from posting a picture of chicken pot pie.








































































































Was I right or was I right?

People Who've Been Asking Me for Change:

OK. I admit it. I do have some change and I'm not really sorry. Still, while this might make me an asshole, I think it's a bit much to accuse me of racism. Have you seen me giving change to white people? Not unless they're working at the liquor store when I'm low on cash.

Ro-bots:

You're not taking over just yet. You can pry this world from my cold, dead hands.

William Wallace:

Yes, I would be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives but they may never take our freedom.

People who are so fat that they take up two seats on the train:

Did you pay for two rides? If not, stand.


Chuck Norris:

People are talking about you a lot on the internet. It was funny a couple years ago but now it's not. People keep doing it anyway though because they can't come up w/ their own jokes. If you have anyway of stopping them please do. If not, just let these people know that I think they're lame and stupid.


"Hacksaw" Jim Dougan:

Please don't hit me w/ a two-by-four.

Doctors:

The average shmuck you see on the street could do ninety percent of your job better than you do w/ about three months of training. It's time to lower your rates. Exploiting the sick--you should be ashamed of yourselves.

Mutants:

It must be kinda neat being a mutant but probably pretty hard to get laid depending on what's weird about you. You should put up some adds on Craigslist or something. There're fetishists out there; you just have to find them.

Beluga Whales:

Look out for those polar bears. They'll eat you and then swim fifty miles home.

Minors:

Don't give up so easily. Eventually some dude who walks into the 7-Eleven will be willing to buy you a forty ounce if you give him five bucks and you'll never find him if you stop trying now.

The difference between men and women is an oft debated topic. It figured it out though. It's strictly chromosomal. They balance differently. Women have two X chromosomes which are balanced just like this:

XX

The double-X is as stable as a brick shit house. It doesn't make any sense but it allows women to balance well w/ any sort of moral footing no matter how flimsy and devoid of logic it is. Men have it tougher. If you throw a Y chromosome in there though it mucks the balance so we have to stack them up like this:

X
Y

This, in case you were wondering, is why men are so unstable and also why we are so much taller than women. We would actually be literally twice as tall if women didn't wear high heels and belittle us so.

It's too early in the morning for me to know what the hell is going on but, lucky you, I got it together just enough to write another boring installment of the Weekly Wrapup. Here's what I did:

1. Dogged my cats.
2. Made a wee microphone and even modded the circuit myself.
   
3. Fell down in the desert baby, yeah.
   
4. Crossed the street.
   
5. Acted.
   
6. six six
7. Made bread that kinda sucked.
   
8. Didn't plan ahead.
   
9. Considered
   

I'll be damned if I'm gonna write anything else for a couple more hours.

Yesterday was beset w/ injury for me. For one, I burned my finger on a soldering iron while trying to assemble an Electra distortion pedal. This is my second attempt at said pedal and it still doesn't work. I need to buy a few more things and have a go at a more difficult pedal which hopefully won't work either. On top of the finger burn, I also have sustained a whiskey-related foot injury. You see, I have this bottle of Old Overholt that I keep around for no apparent reason. In one year, I've only drank about one-quarter of it's contents and, frankly, don't see myself drinking much more. The one thing I will say about Old Overholt is that it's in a very sturdy bottle. It's fallen off my refrigerator numerous times and has been none the worse for wear. My foot though, which it landed on, might be broken. Anyway, it still hurts from yesterday. It's a wonder I survived.

Authors:

You will never be as good as Philip K. Dick. Give up. It's not worth trying.

Conservative Christians:

Everyone else knows you're money-grubbing assholes. Eventually you'll figure it out too and I hear a false-righteousness hangover is a bitch. You want to live like Christ? Sell your house and stop shopping at Wal-Mart.

Dogs:

Don't bark at me as if you could harm me through the fence. That shit is annoying. Don't make me poke you w/ a stick.

Postal Workers:

Shut up and do your job already. You have it pretty easy, you know. You could be cleaning up sick people's shit in a hospital but instead your dumb-ass gets to stand at a counter and weigh packages. I'm not asking you to be friendly or nice, just stop looking at me like I said I wanted to feast on your first born when all I want to do is send someone a goddamn parcel.

Short People:

Ha! You're short!

Monkeys:

Keep it up. You are wildly entertaining to us all and much better at swinging around in trees than anyone else I know. Truly, you are the salt of the earth.

There was a pot luck today at my work. There's three caseroles of the heavily cheesy and meaty variety and no less than five different cakes. There's a salad too and the only dressing is lo-fat. You would figure that w/ such an assortment of other foods they would have just went right ahead and put garlic butter on the salad but, sadly, that is not the case.

In other work related news, one of my coworkers has appeared to be on the verge of tears all day. I don't know about you but I think this is inappropriate behavior. What you do when you're on the going to be on the verge of tears all day is call in sick. You sleep in, you stay home, you get drunk. Call in the next day if you have to. That's how you do it. None of this whispered telephone conversation and constant clacking away at AIM. I don't need that. I'm at work; I'm trying to relax.