Some people would call me lazy but I prefer to think of myself as just being unusually gifted in the art of relaxation.

I know I've touched on this before but the thing about the Holidays that makes them so worthwhile is that you have a period of a couple weeks were you don't have to work nearly so much as you normally do. Also, there's many situations that don't occur during the rest of the year where you are not only allowed to drink but expected to.

How sweet is this?

There are haters and immatators but all the ladies know I am the one and only Pope of Rock.

Remember that clear Pepsi they made for about thirty seconds sometime in the early nineties? That stuff was weird. It tasted like Pepsi but was clear and somehow that reeked of witchcraft and buggery to the American populace. "That ain't right," we said, "Get the Shotgun."

I just saw this guy who's so fat. He looked like Dr. Robotnik from Sonic the Hedgehog, which is to say nearly sphyrical:

Of course, this guy didn't have the weird gigantic mustache nor the snazzy pants. He was just really, really fat but not nearly as weird as the gigantical head man I saw a couple months ago.

Seriously. Shut the fuck up.

To those people who constanlty bitch about the Christmas season I have this to say: You get extra days off work so shut the fuck up.

There's no two ways about it. I have split ends. Thankfully, this problem has a clear cut solution--ignore it.

You know there's a lot of trouble w/ today's youth but you can't blame them. It's parents' fault. Seems all they do these days is plop their kids in front of the TV while they go out to do drugs and get abortions.

The worst part about Christmas is that everyone gets all in a huff complaining about how it's become too commercial. The main reason people do this is it gives them an excuse use the big, intelligent word "consumerism" which in their minds makes them sound smart. They should be aware, however, that they are really just being whiny assbags who need to shut the hell up. Christmas has always been a bullshit holiday, intended merely to compete w/ pagan holidays in Europe. We can find an excuse to love it for this reason alone.

ass bags
ass-bags
gasbags
assuages
airbags
Edit...
Ignore all
Add to dictionary

At the bottom of that sidebar on the right, there's a link to something called Site Meter. It gives me stats as far as what searches led people here. What I've found, unfortunately, is if you search for the phrase "shitty guitar", you will find your way here. And typing that right there just made it worse.

Also, if you mispell Sarte as "Satre" you will be lead here. I fixed the spelling though so maybe that will go away.

Don't pitch me no sass.

There's two pots of coffee on two seperate coffee makers in the office at the moment. I know one of them is going to be that insidious decaffeinated stuff but I'm not sure which as it's in no way labeled. I chose the pot on the right as it's larger and I am optimistic enough to believe most people are smart enough to drink the caffeinated stuff in the morning. So far I believe this has been the correct decision.

separate
desperate
separator
serrate
sprat
Edit...
Revert to "seperate"

decaffeinated
decaffeinates
decaffeinate
Edit...
Revert to "decaffinated"

decaffeinated
feinted
coffined
carbonated
fainted
Edit...
Revert to "caffeinated"

Lucky you. It's time for the Weekly Wrapup. Here's what I did:

1. Ate some challah w/ butter and blueberry jelly.
2. Touched a G&L ASAT.
3. Made my best pizza yet.
4. Met the parents.
5. Planned dinner.
6. six six
7. Made some plans.
8. Argued.
9. Considered the differences between several variations on a theme.

Wrap up
Wrap-up
Wrap
Wraps
Pup
Edit...
Ignore all
Add to dictionaryMO
Mo
mo
Oz
oz
Edit...
Ignore all
Add to dictionary

Charla
Shaylah
Allah
Calla
calla
Edit...
Ignore all
Add to dictionaryMO
Mo
mo
Oz
oz
Edit...
Ignore all
Add to dictionary

We had our holiday luncheon today. And let me tell you one thing. If you don't eat meat, don't go to Redfish. Your options are as follows: fried green tomatoes and the house salad. The beans and rice have meat mixed in. The salads have meat mixed in. Thank God for french fries.

Actually,even if you do eat meat, don't go there. The TGIFriday's of cajun food simply isn't the kind of place you want to spend your time.

I got a Sierra Nevada Pale Ale at the bar though and that was quite tasty.

The fan in my computer started making noise again. Currently it's making a honking sound that I find quite amusing so I'm just letting it go. Before I did the fix, I suspect that the fan was working poorly enough that my system was overheating but I think I took care of that. Now, my computer doesn't run well because it's a giant slice of meat on ass not because the fan isn't cooling it adequately.

adequately
adequate
inadequately
acutely
Edit...
Revert to "adaquately"

UPS can blow me for all I care.


There. I said it.

I feel that the signs of the Zodiac were invented w/ the express purpose of irritating me.

I solved my whirring fan problem by opening up my computer, removing the fan and blowing the dust out of it. I have not made progress toward buying my ASAT aside from determining the location of a licensed dealer in Chicago. How does that suit you?

My computer at work started making a funny whirring sound. I have identified this as coming from the the system fan on my motherboard. It's growing more annoying and I know the faulty fan will mean my motherboard will eventually burn out. I contrast this w/ the sound of a G&L ASAT which is beautiful and can build a better world.

The thing that makes the G&L ASAT Special stand out amongst other Telecaster styled guitars is the Magnetic Field single coils. They are higher output than ordinary single coils and in a way very much like the legendary P-90 of Gibson fame. The main difference as I see it being the Magnetic Field pickups are attatched to a longer scale length G&L ASAT and I want one.

I SAID I WANT ONE!

Why aren't you guys buying my amp? G&L ASAT's aren't buying themselves around here so I gotta hop to it. But I need your help.

Think of how good you'd feel about yourself if you helped a G&L ASAT find a home. You'd sleep better and be more attractive to whatever you're attracted to. Men, women, gays, lesbians, transexuals, midgets, monks and buggers all have one thing in commn. They love people who buy Marshall halfstacks off of me so that I can buy G&L ASAT's. It's that simple folks. I get an ASAT and you get laid. This can't fail. Gotta like those odds.

If I had an ASAT, all would be right in this world; the sun would shine on everybody except those who like rain such as farmers and swamp dwellers; trees would grow taller but lose their ability to capture your Aerobie flying disks; and your mom would finally stop calling me.

Mmmm.... ASAT.

I hate to admit it but I'm selling my Marshall halfstack. Really, I don't need fifty watts and four twelve inch speakers for home use and the thing just sits there not rocking which is a shame because it rocks. Don't worry though, it shall be turned eventually into a G&L ASAT.

It's all about the Weekly Wrapup:

1. Made a pizza.
2. Lit some candles.
3. Bought new measuring cups.
4. Got an idea.
5. Moved up a gueage.
6. six six
7. Listened to some old tunes.
8. Got my feet wet.
9. Considered bringing some soy sauce to work.

So there.

My mother was a hamster and my father was a potato.

Jackie DeShannon was wrong. What the world needs now is Hacksaw Jim Duggan:

It disturbs me greatly that some people view my blog w/ inferior browsers like Internet Explorer and Netscape rather than using Firefox like sane people. I assume these people either are forced to use such dreck on account of their work situation or are not regular readers who are bound to be confused by my use of the English language and will shuffle off almost immediately.

To further my treatise on the word in print. Writing "$1300 dollars" is equivalent to saying "Thirteen hundred dollars dollars," which is obviously something only a slackjawed muskrat eater would do.

That's it. I'm going home.

Since I've been complaining about how other people write anyway, I figured I'd take some time to explain the appropriate way of using both a question mark and an exclamation point. Really, the concept is quite simple. You have to put the exclamation point first or people will assume you're wearing greasy overalls w/ no shirt underneath and chawing on a plug of tobacco. This is because using the question mark first is a sign of poor breading and genetic deficiency.

Correct:

What!?

Incorrect:

What?!

Notice, if you will, how the former example is much more streamlined and elegent while the latter reeks of pig excrement and buggery. I think you all see my point.

Due to work contraints, I was unable to post the nine things I did this week until now. If you want it sooner, you do a Weekly Wrapup. Here it is:

1. Watched the commentary on a DVD.
2. Purchased in bulk.
3. Pushed the limits of good taste.
4. Stir fried.
5. Forgot to bring a bottle of Sriracha hot sauce to work everyday.
6. six six
7. Just got a bunch more work.
8. And a little bit irritated.
9. Considered just forgetting about it until monday.

Does anyone else hate the Comic Sans font as much as I do? I mean, it was cute at first but knock it off w/ the childish crap. We're professionals here.

To the creators of ...Lost Energy Drink:

I have found the caffeine content of your beverage to be inadequate for simple office drudgery so I cannot see how it will support my partying after a mondo day surfing, skateboarding and snowboarding. I am selling my shitty guitar and giving my skateboard to the next suburban kid who seems to be lacking in that regard. As of now, I have officially gone back to the original energy drink--coffee.

Sincerely,
Br. Logical Frank

Stepping off the train yesterday, I saw a few poor souls who had to stand in the cold and give out free energy drinks. Feeling sorry for them and always been keen to pick up free stuff, I took one of their hands. I'm drinking it this morning in lieu of coffee.

This particular energy is called ...Lost. Drinking it makes me feel like a young punk rocker w/ a shitty guitar and a skateboard. The can is all crazy like that collage in Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables and it says stuff like "Search and Destroy" and "Tear Down Your Idols" amongst images of professional surfers and skaters, bombs, pin up models and black sheep. The description on the side tells me that if I want to surf, skate and snowboard all in the same day, I'm gonna need some energy to party afterward.

And you know what? I do wanna surf, skate and snowboard all in the same day and I do need energy to party afterward. I'm a young punk rocker w/ a shitty guitar and a skateboard. Thank you ...Lost Energy Drink. While I cannot explain the ellipsis that proceeds your moniker, as a young punk rocker w/ a shitty guitar and a skateboard, I was disappointed w/ energy drinks that "suck" so I'm glad you had the folks at Monster make one that "works, tastes good and mixes even better." However, I am curious as to what I should mix this w/. I mean, you wouldn't market this beverage toward teenagers and suggest its use in alcoholic drinks, right? That's the same kinda stuff that got the folks at RJ Reynolds in trouble.