Logical Logbook

My thoughts are worth billions. My logic will end the world.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

I'm going to Japan tomorrow morning. I leave at eleven in the morning, fly twelve hours, and get there three PM the next day. Even more unnerving is that I leave Tokyo at six in the evening, fly twelve hours and get back in Chicago at four PM on the same day. I get back before I left. I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation--something involving international date lines, various tricks of special relativity and whatnot--but my mind refuses to wrap itself around this fact.

Also--I can't imagine the weather there can possibly be anything like the weather here. I figure since they speak Japanese, they won't get the same weather. Yeah, I know it doesn't make sense at first but that's often the case w/ logic in it's purest form.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

I've posted three hundred and fifty-eight times on this thing. This is my three hundred fifty-ninth. Most of my posts are just like this one. They don't convey any useful information.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

I'm cultivating my psionic abilities. You guys are fucked.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Fine. I'll write the Weekly Wrapup. Here's what I did this week:

  1. Applied glue to pantyhose.
  2. Called about the snow.
  3. Woke up late but still showed up on time.
  4. Ate more beans and rice than previously thought possible.
  5. Started a Wikipedia user page.
  6. six six
  7. Became a powerhouse.
  8. Strohed.
  9. Considered composition.
And that's all you get.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Mondays are just like Saturdays only Mondays suck.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Call me crazy but I think Abbie Hoffman's alter ego is homebrew legend Charlie Papazian. Case in point:


Papazian


Hoffman


Think about it.
We'll keep the introduction short this week. I like short introductionss. No need to go on and on in the introductions. The real material comes after the introduction so having a long introduction just... Sorry, that joke just isn't funny. I'll stop now.

Here it is, kids, the Weekly Wrapup. Here's what I did this week:

  1. Got to work early for once.
  2. Put a can of mushrooms on half of a pizza.
  3. Fell in love w/ Philip K. Dick--but not, you know, in that way.
  4. Foamed it up.
  5. Bottled a somewhat normal Belgian ale.
  6. six six
  7. Took some pink pills that made me tired.
  8. Called someone on their birthday.
  9. Considered waiting another week.
And that's that and then some.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Type "dumb people are annoying" (sans quotes) into Google and what do you get? That's right. Me.
I got new glasses. They make everything look hyperdetailed, twisted and small.

Monday, March 13, 2006

I still get hits on my blog from people searching for info on The Summer of the Monkeys by Wilson Rawls. It appears that there is a something of a glut of information regarding it so schoolchildren find themselves reading the Logbook. They end up learning that drinking the mash used to make bootleg whiskey results in molestation by a drunken monkey named Jimbo. I truly feel that I've touched some lives.
In the mornings my beloved Blue Line Train is often temporarily stopped for what's called a security check. This check consists of a one of Chicago's Finest and a rent-a-cop walking the length of the train w/ a bomb-sniffing dog. I don't know about you but if I was a suicide bomber, I would be detonating my bomb just about the moment the bomb-sniffing dog pointed me out. Do you really think some guy who's itching to bomb civilians in downtown Chicago is going to worry about taking a cop w/ him? I'd think it practically be a bonus. I can hear them bragging in my head:

"Hey--guess what?--not only did I derail a train and kill couple thosand civilians, I blew the bomb right in that smug cop's face just as his fucking dog sniffed me out."

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

It's warm enough that I can eat outside again. Today I ate in front of the jail. Nice people there, you know.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

I just got a request for some boring personal information and far be it for me to deny the people such indulgences.

Lately, I've changed my morning procedure as follows:

Old procedure:
  1. Alarm goes off at seven AM.
  2. Alarm goes off at seven-oh-nine AM.
  3. Alarm goes off at seven-eighteen AM.
  4. Alarm goes off at seven-twenty-seven AM.
  5. Alarm goes off at seven-thirty-thirty-six AM.
  6. Alarm goes off at seven-forty-five AM.
  7. Alarm goes off at seven-fifty-four AM.
  8. Wake up.
  9. Eat.
  10. Go to work.
New procedure:

  1. Alarm goes off at seven AM.
  2. Alarm goes off at seven-oh-nine AM.
  3. Wake up.
  4. Eat.
  5. Go back to bed.
  6. Alarm goes off at seven-fifty-four AM.
  7. Alarm goes off at eight-oh-three AM.
  8. Alarm goes off at eight-twelve AM.
  9. Wake up.
  10. Go to work.
For some reason, I find the latter more agreeable.

Monday, March 06, 2006

People of the Internet:

Please be advised that there is absolutely nothing funny left to say about George W. Bush or the war-like program we have going on in the Middle East. Any and all attempts currently being made at such humor come across as lame, uncreative and, most importantly, not at all funny.

Sincerely,
Logical Frank

Friday, March 03, 2006

What did I do this week? And why haven't I been posting? There are the two questions I'm finding myself getting asked again and again this week. Well--the answer to the latter is shut the hell up. I post when I feel like it and no more frequently than that. The answer to the former can be summed up in my Weekly Wrapup. Here's the nine things I did this week:

  1. http://www.myspace.com/thisicommand
  2. Went out for breakfast by myself.
  3. Had something I'd been avoiding for a while.
  4. Talked too damn much.
  5. Lost my head.
  6. six six.
  7. Forgot to bring lunch.
  8. Eight is great.
  9. Considered matters of tone as if they were of dire importance to the human race.
So that's that.