Logical Logbook

My thoughts are worth billions. My logic will end the world.

Friday, July 29, 2005

I have to admit that I'm glad as hell to be writing the weekly wrapup. The course of events these last few days has truly not been to my satisfaction. I did manage to squeeze in nine things though:

1. Had the worst veggie delight ever at a Chinese restaurant.
2. Printed over twelve hundred pages.
3. Contemplated contemplation.
4. Answered a question with a question.
5. Got a burrito at a new place.
6. six six
7. Didn't get enough sleep.
8. Saw a whole conversation word for word before it happened.
9. Considered buying flowers.

So that's that.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Life's a bitch. There isn't an amp loud enough to fully describe it. I try though. I really do.
Not Hamster. Not caged.
When I don't know what to talk about, I just meander until I stumble upon something. For example, right now I just started wondering if I spelled until correctly. As I just wrote it, it has one L. There might be two. I will look it up after I've finished writing and correct it if need be. The reason for me telling you all this is because I want you to know I'm not a cheat or a liar who pretends he knows how to spell everything. I don't. I'm pretty sure I got it right though but it looks so wrong.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

They're giving me yet more work to do. That's hysterical!
Things I wish I said today:

  • That computers not messed up. You're stupid.
  • No.
  • You're stupid.
  • Shut up.
  • Make some real coffee for once.
  • Go away. You're stupid.
  • You're pretty but you're stupid.
  • Shut up.
  • You're stupid.
  • I'm not smart but you're stupid.

Seriously. Being that asshole IT guy who thinks he's smarter than everyone else is gross and boring to me but there's things that need be done and be done soon. Leave me alone, people I work with!

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

I've been modifying the Wikipedia article on beer. I know a lot about beer--more than the people who wrote the article originally, it seems. Mostly, I'm just clearing some things up and adding subliminal messages enouraging people to come here and read my scrabble.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Reading through this, I realize that there are only but a few things I talk about:

1. My new religion, Boredism.
2. Shitty coffee.
3. What I had to eat.

That pretty much covers it. What do you talk about mostly?
I ate three bananas for breakfast and am now drinking weak, shitty coffee. Things could be worse but they could be a hell of a lot better.

Friday, July 22, 2005

I feel a really long lunch coming on.
Nine is the number of things I've done during this, the longest week. You can find out what exactly these nine things are by reading the Weekly Wrapup:

1. Not much work today, I'm afraid.
2. Got really nervous.
3. Found a nice place to read.
4. Gave Not Hamster more toilet paper than he could handle.
5. Added more weight.
6. six six.
7. Recorded.
8. Exhaled slowly and purposefully.
9. Considered having another round.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

I'm sure you'll be interested to know that I got a maple frosted donut and a medium coffee (black) from Dunkin' Donuts for breakfast. Indeed, it is an extravagance but I can afford it; I've been blessed.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

We ran out of shitty coffee so now I'm drinking instant--the "inst" as we call it in the neighborhood. The trick to drinking instant coffee is to use three times as much as you're supposed too and loading up on sugar and that Frankensteinian powdered creamer and drinking it in three lukewarm gulps. It lights the mind on fire.

So much on fire, in fact, that I'm going to go around in a minute and tear down the inspirational slogans we have hung up all over the place. God, inspiration pisses me off.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Man. It's been a long day.

Friday, July 15, 2005

I suppose I did do nine things this week, thanks for asking. If you want to know, you can read my Weekly Wrapup:

1) Dropped the People's Elbow.
2) Stenciled.
3) Got reimbursed by the CTA.
4) Blew the fuck up.
5) Wrote my name on a small piece of paper.
6) six six.
7) Made some changes around this place.
8) Rewrote history.
9) Considered taking a day off.

Yeah, that was pretty sweet.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

If I found myself with a prehensile tail, I don't know what I'd do with it. For much of the day, I don't even use the limbs I currently have so I just think it would get in the way. It's a damn shame though. Chicks dig prehensile tails. I know from experience.
I got free falafel today. It's easy to do. Basically, if you order one falafel and someone else orders two, you can just take the bag with two in there and run out the door like a wildman, screaming up a storm.

There you go: two for one. Can't beat that with a stick.
So according to the little hit counter thing I got, I've had three visitors. Maybe it was the same person three times and maybe it was three people. I have no way of knowing. Who are you people and why are you reading my blog? Feel free to post comments.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

It just occurred to me that it's not actually two thousand two but two thousand five. Curious how long that took me.

I'm trying to remember just when I realized it wasn't two thousand two in two thousand three and two thousand four. I'm pretty sure I would have figured it out in two thousand three while writing rent checks and the like. Two thousand four though--who knows? I probably went through the whole year without realizing it was not two thousand and two. It's all very tragic in a way. How would you feel if you were two thousand and two and people went around not knowing it's not two thousand two--like if some ill fate befell some nice gentleman and he didn't realize it didn't happen in two thousand two? Pretty shitty, I bet.
Everything I own is broken. I have a bass amp that flashes red and green lights instead of playing sounds, a guitar amp that electrocutes you instead of playing sounds, a delay pedal that fizzles and crackles in one mode, a computer that sits there like a dumbass and does nothing, my cell phone is zerobuttonless--everyone has a zero in their number these days--and my Chicago card costs me seventyfive dollars a month plus seven dollars a day plus five dollars.

You could say I'm bitter but that doesn't really encompass the full scope of it.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Sometimes you show up an hour late with pink hands and that's OK.

Monday, July 11, 2005

You should thank me for not posting the dreck I was just about to post. Seriously. It was bad.
If you look to the right side of your screen here on my little sidebar thing, you'll see I now have a hitcounter so that I can verify as a fact that nobody actually reads this motherfucker. Once I know all my writings are secret, there will be no stopping me. How do you like that!? You don't. You don't even exist.
Damnit.

Friday, July 08, 2005

If you're wondering what nine things I did this week, you can just go ahead and read my Weekly Wrapup:

1. Wore sunglasses.
2. Talked on the phone.
3. Watched a bass amp die.
4. Didn't cry.
5. Laundry.
6. six six
7. Corrected an error (on this line, as a matter of fact).
8. Ended an era.
9. Considered trying something different.

I admit it's almost been an overactive week for me but none of it was really stressful or exotic. Next week? Maybe.
Having blue snot gives you certain superhuman powers.

"Why is your snot blue?"
"I don't know. It just is sometimes."

Thursday, July 07, 2005


I am your new god.
So people are getting bombed again--this time in London. It's not like people ever stopped getting bombed. People bomb other people. That's what we do.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

I found that I am quite adept at eating two cherries at the same time. Strangely, I fail utterly to consume only one cherry with any degree of civility. I cannot begin to explain what's wrong with but rest assured there is certainly something.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Everyone's always asking me, "Frank, when are you going to do another Weekly Wrapup? Well, I'll tell you: I always do them at the end of the week, which it is now. So here you go. This is what I did this week:

1. Remained in the realm of the living.
2. Bought some apples, oranges, pears and raspberries.
3. Wondered if that last line is actually four things.
4. Wondered if it wasn't actually five since I also bought cottage cheese.
5. Saw a dragonfly.
6. six six.
7. Wrote in a notebook.
8. Didn't clean my apartment.
9. Considered going to 31st and Halstead.

And with nine things done, I'm all tuckered out. Laters, kids.
Brothers and Sisters of the CTA:

Once again, I am disturbed to find that your lovely Chicago Card Plus has ceased to function as per its predestined path. This saddens me greatly as I believe all creatures and objects deserve to have their special function on our mother earth. Rest assured I do not take such matters lightly. I fully intend to have it replaced as I did the one that was smote before it--as much as something so close to me can be replaced.
Is there anything I can do to preserve my cards longer? I have faith that the good workers over there have put forth a robust product that I can rely on to not leave me lost and wandering somewhere in Chicago as I am out spreading the word.

I have done nothing to it save keep it my wallet but for a few brief seconds whilst I touched it to the small circle on the turnstyles. Is that not a reasonable thing to do? (Forgive me if I sound naive. I can put forth no pretense of being an intellectual.) Should I get a special carrying case for it, perhaps hire someone to carry it around for me sheltered under a parasol? That would be a small price to pay for a service that I'm already paying for.

Am I going to be reimbursed all the money I'm spending getting to and from my missions? I'm paying both for my monthly pass (which I can't use right now thanks to my faulty card) and for trainfare. I am not in the practice of paying for things more than once. There are many who say I'm oldfashioned but that's how my mother (God rest her soul) raised me.

Your gift of a oneday pass when I had problems in the past was most generous and I feel it was a highly lauditory gesture on your behalf. However, this time myself and my people are in need of hard currency, cash money USA. Whatever will I do with a oneday pass? I already pay for the monthly one. I am but one man under God three hundred sixtyfive days a year. There simply isn't a second one of me not even for a day.
I will most graciously accept my reimbursement as either a credit to my account or by verified check of $3.50 ($1.75 each way) per day from June 30, 2005 until whatever day I receive the card plus an additional twenty dollars for miscellaneous trips which I have every right to take using my monthly pass. Thank you for your kindly cooperation.

In earnest faith,
Br. Francis C. Hays
I'm just fucking pissed.