To the creators of ...Lost Energy Drink:

I have found the caffeine content of your beverage to be inadequate for simple office drudgery so I cannot see how it will support my partying after a mondo day surfing, skateboarding and snowboarding. I am selling my shitty guitar and giving my skateboard to the next suburban kid who seems to be lacking in that regard. As of now, I have officially gone back to the original energy drink--coffee.

Sincerely,
Br. Logical Frank