OK. It's time for the Weekly Wrapup. Let's get it done w/. Here's what I did:

1. Read.
2. Soldered.
3. Screwed up a screw.
4. Ate on some beans.
   
5. Portrayed myself in a highly negative fasion.
   
6. six six
7. Wined but didn't dine.
   
8. Spelled several words carefully but still incorrectly.
   
9. Considered drilling.
   

Man. I just ate on some beans. I think I'm gonna pass out.

Guess what? I just got a letter from Arthur C. Clark. Holy crap! I will surely die from the excitement. Do you have any idea how famous he is? He's famous as hell! Seriously. You bet I feel special.

You see, I am a very powerful man and Arty (that's what his friends call him) needs me to join the Planetary Society so that some prophecy he made in a story he wrote in 1964 will come true. I believe Carl fucking Sagan is in on it as well. Can you even imagine rubbing shoulders w/ such great men? I couldn't, until today.

"I was looking at the website the other day and I noticed that my picture isn't up."
"I must have missed it. I can get that up there."
"Oh--don't worry; it's a terrible picture anyway."
"No. It's fine. It looks like you."

Whoops...

For some reason I was thinking about athletic scholarships (specifically collegiate scholarships for football). Now that I've given it some though, I'm not sure how I feel about it. On one hand, it gives some kids a chance to go to good colleges who otherwise couldn't afford it. On the other hand, it says to these kids, "We'll help you out but only if you're willing to march around on television to entertain us rich folks." On yet another hand, if it weren't for scholarships, NCAA football would be as boring as high school football.

In the end, I would say I'm for them, based strictly on the third hand.

I'm afraid I've completely lost my mind.

You know what your problem is? You just can't be happy. You had it made and you went and fucked everything up. Nice work. Now we all suffer.

I suppose on top of all that you want me to write the Weekly Wrapup. I'll write but don't think I'm happy about it. You owe me. Big time. Here's what I did:

1. Tried a different input. (Get your mind out of the gutter; I'm talking about a guitar amp.)
2. Used a semicolon inside of parentheses.
3. Overheard and argument that involved birthmarks and bumfucks.
4. Made spaghetti.
5. Tried to solve and unsolvable problem.
   
6. six six
7. Installed a switch, which rules.
   
8. Drank some damn mead.
   
9. Considered pots of the push/pull variety.
   

That's that. I hope you feel appropriately lousy.

Holy shit! I am fucking burried in retardation today. All I have to say is this, it's just one simple rule that we should all try to live by:

There is no single piece of junkmail that's worth getting excited over at all let alone for twenty minutes. I don't care if it does have your name written in neato fonts.

My biggest ally at work are blue lines. If I can get a blue line slowly moving to the left and maybe one of those hourglass cursors up. I can do whatever the hell I want while I wait. I have two anti-spyware programs and an anti-virus that I run almost everyday. When people ask what I'm doing I just wave my hand at my monitor in a manner that both alerts them to my slow blue line and shews them away.

"How long will that take?"
Dunno...

I have said things to this effect before but you really need to be careful of when you're talking to someone. It's not so important that you're mindful of the person you're talking to--whoever it is is probably an asshole anyway--but to the people who are sitting around you. For example, I just learned the method of birth control prefered by one of my coworkers. This is information I'd didn't need to know and, indeed, would rather not know.

What people fail to realize is that a temporary solution is just as good as a permanent if you keep using it over and over.

I think I need to go on a lower-sodium diet.

I suppose I can write a Weekly Wrapup for you dweebs. Here's what I did:

1. Blew my nose.
2. Adjusted.
3. Detuned and retuned.
   
4. Wore a stupid man suit.
   
5. Walked around the block.
   
6. six six.
   
7. Perused the internet.
   
8. Talked smack.
   
9. Considered my inevitable failure.
   

So how does that make you feel?

My astrological sign is helium, which can’t be combined w/ anything.

Dear Atheists:

I don't care about any of your religious beliefs one way or the other. However, I have noticed the atheists of the world have gotten quite high and mighty as of late and I wanted to clear a few things up. I urge all of you to remember these two things:

1. Being an atheist does not make you intelligent.
2. Being an atheist does not make you seem dangerous.

Just trust me on this. There was a time when atheists could go around w/o mocking other people and that was wonderful but lately you've all gotten just as bad as Christians and it really needs to stop. What's the point of being an atheist if you just go around acting as if you were some kind of person chosen by God not to believe in him? It just doesn't make a damn lot of sense if you ask me.

When exactly did douchebag become the insult of choice? We used to have all kinds of insults--dickhead, dipshit, fucker, asshole, moron, dweeb, shit-for-brains--and now all we have is douchebag or, for short, douche. We get more homogeneous everyday. What is our country coming to when we can't even use the entirity of our scope of insults?