What ever happened to capital letters? It seems they've fallen out of favor w/ today's youth. Yes, it's true: kids today have a new style. Their jeans and t-shirts have replaced the knickerbockers of our parents generation and grammar and punctuation are going back to the freewheeling style so popular before the advent of the printing press. When I find myself perusing the internet, I often come across the spirited musings of young people and think to myself, "My goodness, this child is hipper than Geoffry Chaucer!"

My ultimate goal is to become the most useless man in the world... if it's not too much effort.

I hate fonts. All fonts. We only need one but we have thousands. It's just more shit to go wrong if you ask me. If you can't get the proper emphasis using the abundant vocabulary that's available w/ our fine language, you have no right to communicate at all.Seriously. You should be silenced utterly.

Jesus loves the Buckeyes.

One of the millions of annoying things about my archnemesis Fraeulein X is that every email she says has the subject line in all caps. At work, I use Mozilla Thunderbird for my email and the all caps headings causes it to mark every one of her emails to me as spam. I cannot say I disagree.

Do you want me to ramble on senselessly or do you want the Weekly Wrapup? Of course you want the Weekly Wrapup. Everyone loves the Weekly Wrapup. It's a wonder I write anything else. Here's what I did this week:

1. Assembled a couch... No, it's a bed!
   
2. Yelled at beer.
3. Smelled something funny.
4. Gave someone three dimes.
   
5. Zoned.
   
6. six six
7. Dined upon Italian beef.
   
8. Decided on a place.
   
9. Considered the possibility of illness.

And that, as they say, is that.

I thought of something really awesome to post here last night while I was trying to fall asleep and then forgot what it was this morning. What can you do?

You want to see something funny? Ship something to a United States Postal worker via UPS. You wouldn't think it'd be a big deal but it is.

From time to time someone will walk up to me at work and ask me for somebody's email address. I suppose they could expect me to know assuming that it's someone who works for my company but the queries go far beyond this. This is a common interaction I have:

"Can I get Tom Jerry's email?"
"Who?"
"Tom Jerry. I had it written down but I lost it."
"OK. What account does he work for? I might have it."
"He doesn't work for any of my accounts I just need his email."
"I wouldn't have it unless he was one of our contacts or the head of his agency."
"He doesn't work for an agency."
"Then I don't have it."
"You don't have it?"
"Nope."
"But I need it."

Who Tom Jerry is, I will never know.

There a woman who works in my office who uses the phrase, "What the H?"

On that note, here's the Weekly Wrapup:

1. Ate a fancy burger.
2. Crusted.
3. Moderated.
4. Tried a beer before it's time.
   
5. Refined a my technique.
   
6. six six
7. Learned some songs.
   
8. Spent fifty freaking dollars at Walgreens.
   
9. Considered thickness and sugar.

I hope that makes you all happy. I really do.

You know, I don't think it's possible for a person to be too dumb to live.