It is humanly impossible to iron a dress shirt. It just can't be done. I don't know why anyone would want to anyway.

Low fat and fat free food is a waste of time. The whole reason you eat is sustenance. Calories sustain you. Fat is high in calories. Don't skip the fat. You'll only be hurting yourself in the end.

Snickers bars are the best candy followed by caramel Twix. This is not my opinion. This is reality. If refuse to accept reality, that's fine. Just don't come crying to me when you get don't get into heaven because you told St. Peter your favorite candy is Mounds at the pearly gates. Mounds bars are clearly disgusting. Any fool can see that.

I'm in the mood for a really good beer tonight. I'm not sure what I'm going to try though. I'm thinking Stone's Double Bastard Ale. It should prove to be a beast--a 22 oz bottle of 10% alcohol beer, hoppy as hell with a heavy dose of Arrogance. It might make it hard for me to wake up for work though.

Do you know what's stupid? Those safety seals on consumer products. They don't make me feel any safer. If I was going to tamper with a product, I'd make damn sure to put the safety seal back on the sucker. I don't think it'd be all that hard. I mean, if you're crazy enough to put strychnine in baby aspirin, you're crazy enough to buy the equipment required to put a safety seal. Anyway, they're hard for me to get off and that's reason enough to get rid of them. Write your congressmen. I'm sorry, congressperson. Ahem...

Well, I'm of to go make a futile attempt at realizing the impossible dream of wrinkle free shirts.