Here's a rap:

I wear Levis and I rock the Reeboks
I got more rhymes than Lucas got Ewoks

It's short which is a good thing since it's so very, very bad. It has a Star Wars reference for chrissakes. And not even one from A New Hope or Empire. It's from Return of the Jedi.

I fixed my squirty-squirts on my car today. That's right, squirty-squirts. They're the little things that spray cleaner on your windshield. Mine were broke. Now, they're fixed. Screw you, squirty-squirts. You know where to stick it!

90% of what I've eaten today has been beans. I ate two bowls of barbecue beans and a bowl of bean soup. I am not pleasant to be around.

You know what? Neither do I.

Does anyone remember those little wax bottles that were filled with a nondescript sweet liquid? I do. Whatever happened to those? They taste terrible but they were so lovable. So are wax lips. Wax lips rule all!

Ok, so what? So they suck? Who cares? You can be wax lips, rock, and still suck. It's the dichotomy of wax lips. You'll understand when you're older, dear.

I have a cellular phone. It's the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I hate my cell phone and you should too. You buy a cell phone and next thing you know you're addicted to the internet and you spend a good deal of free time writing blogs that nobody will ever read.

Speaking of reading, I just started reading Dune Messiah. It kicks ass so far. By this, I mean that it does not challenge my preconceived notions of what a Dune novel should be. The plot is intense and complicated and the spice flows freely.

If I could get Melange, I'd eat the hell out of it. The ladies would go mad for my blue within blue eyes. And then you have spice beer--beer with the amazing psychoactive properties of the spice--how can you go wrong with that? You can't. I'd drink so much, I'd be a Guild Navigator in no time flat.

Things I like:
Beer
Science Fiction
Metal
Reeboks
Hooded Sweatshirts

Things I don't like:
People
Celine Dion
That Stupid Strip of Adhesive Plastic that Makes it Entirely Too Hard to Open CD's

When I go to Columbus this weekend, I'm going to buy a tweed jacket. Hopefully, I can find one with patches on the elbows. It is my feeling that if you have a such a jacket, science fiction novels practically write themselves. I might be wrong but, the way I see it, there's only one way to find out so a tweed-jacket-shopping we will go.

I had braces when I was a kid. My teeth are straight as hell, dude.

Every dog has it's day but I'm not a dog. Where does that leave me? On a computer in a body shop in Marion, OH. The other side of the building is where I paint boat bottoms.

Had enough yet?