Holy shit! I got a job interview with Abercrombie and Fitch! For some people, working for a company that makes overpriced T-shirts marketed toward idiots would be a dream come true. For me, it's just damn funny. My hair is stylin' so I think I'll get the job.

Also, my wardrobe consists of four things: tattered t-shirts, tattered jeans, white socks, and black socks. All of these products are made by Abercrombie and Fitch. You can get them at your local mall if you're willing to pay the price for pre-ruined clothes. I'm not. I buy my shit new and just wear the hell out of it. But don't tell that to Mr. Abercrombie or Dr. Fitch. Just let them think I wear their crap and that I think it's bitchen.

Remember when you were a kid in preschool and they'd give you pipe-cleaners to twist up into shapes? That was sweet. We finger-painted too. My pictures were always just brownish green smears. My teachers would tell me to be careful and try to paint something like a bear or a house. They didn't understand my art. Discouraged by their disapproval, I fell into heavy drug use.

The Romans made their plumbing out of lead. In fact, our word plumbing came from their word for lead, plumbum (sorry if that's misspelled). Over time, they'd get lead poisoning and die. Tough luck, Romans! Next time, make your plumbing out of something less poisonous.

Brewers should not distribute their beer in green or clear bottles. Only brown glass or metal cans prevent beer from being damaged by light. Green bottles are one of two reasons Heineken tastes like crap. The other reason being that Heineken tastes like crap anyway.

I hate fish. I don't hate them on a personal level. I just don't like the way fish tastes. People keep telling me to try various different kinds of fish because they taste less "fishy." I ignore this advice. I am certain that all fish taste exactly one-hundred percent fishy.

I'm going to Columbus now. Later days.