My archnemesis, Fraeulein X, is making a comeback. Lately, she has made her voice heard on the issue of coffee strength. Her feeling is that our weak-ass coffee is not weak-ass enough and now I'm sitting here sleepily drinking a cup of brown water and plotting revenge. The last thing I need is someone messing up my coffee.

It's become clear to me that I need to stage a coup in order to establish control of the coffee maker. Thus far, I've avoided taking on such a responsibility as it means I'm going to have to tell the other coffee drinkers that they're stupid and they drink weak-ass shit--not the best way of building professional relationships. However, there's a time to build professional relationships and a time a time to tell stupid drinkers of weak-ass shit just exactly where they can put their coffee mugs if they continue to fill them w/Folgers brewed to depression-era standards. Right now, I'm opting for the latter.

Remember: I work w/ people who tell me lentils are unhealthy in between bites of Soilent Lo-fat Microwave Dinners. I believe one of them is on both a low-carb and high-carb diet at the same time (she hasn't lost any weight but I believe the goal of said diet is to give her something to complain about and in that sense it is a resounding success). My point is these people know shit about food. They were raised by retards in the wilds of Retardonia where all they had was a microwave and a McDonald's to supply them w/ their needed nutrients. Malnutrition has made their minds small and malformed. They simply cannot be dealt w/ through conventional means.

If they pull that half-caff shit again, so help me....