Dear riders of Chicago Transit Authority trains and busses:

Bear in mind that out of the general population, less than one percent of people are deaf to the point where they have to rely on sign language to communicate. What this means to you is there's at least a ninety-nine percent chance that the person sitting behind you can hear the entirety of your conversation. When chosing a subject, please keep this in mind.

It doesn't bother me in the least that you should exchange pleasantries, discuss business or even gossip a little about your friends but, frankly, I don't need to know how often you and your husband have been making love nor do I care to hear to every last detail about your daughter's failing marriage. In the future, if you can't avoid discussing these things on the train, please do so in a more subdued tone.

Thank you,
Logical Frank, the guy who writes this blog