To my coworkers:

Yes. It is I who took the last three Hershey Kisses. I wanted them so I took them. I also had the last cookie and, no, I did not do that thing where I only took half of the last cookie because I felt guilty about taking it. The cookies were available to all and anyone could take of them freely to the very last one. Many of you passed up the chance to grab the last cookie and undoubtedly feel jealousy or even anger toward me. However, I must stress that is simply not my fault that you are too weak and cowardly to act on your impulses and I have to courage to say, "Yes, indeed I want that last cookie and I want it all. I have as much right as anyone to have it." Next time, do not be so timid and it might be you writing a message such as this on your blog.

Sincerely,
Logical Frank