Microwave Lunch Eaters:

You are the rudest and least considerate people in the world. You stinking up your workplace w/ your vile, vile lunch is about equivalent in terms of obnoxiousness as me coming into your cubicle and singing sea chanteys.

Chickens:

While your meat is delicious, it is potentially deadly if improperly prepared due to you disease-laden nature. Could you be a little more careful about sanitation in the future.? You're going to die early one way or the other, there's no reason to take me w/ you.

Jeffrey Dahmer:

I was just reading about all that shit you did. That's pretty fucked up, dude.

Spiders:

You need to stop making webs in places where I walk into them. Try keeping them higher up in trees or something. I don't know. I don't make webs. That's your thing. Figure something out or your webs are gonna be seeing the business end of the broom before you can blink.