Robert Heinlein:

Even though you're dead, I would appreciate if you took the time to rewrite your novels such that the last hundred pages have at least some small connection to the first two hundred pages. Don't think I haven't noticed that they spontaneously devolve into strange libertarian (or something) rants toward the end.

Dogs:

Don't do whatever it is your thinking of doing. Just sit still and wait for someone to give you a pat on the head and a treat.

Germans:

How's the country? I hope you aren't planning any more wars. Your military actions in the past have caused us all a lot of trouble and I'd hate to see it happen again.

People who play Bingo:

B-13, B-13... B-13

Cowboys:

I like your hats for the most part but I have to say your belt-buckles and boots could be toned down a level. Seriously. You're like ladies w/ all that fancy stitching and shiny metal you go around wearing.