Logical Logbook

My thoughts are worth billions. My logic will end the world.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

The problem w/ politics is that everybody's stupid.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Packaged food is brilliant. They sell you lower-quality food at a higher price. Whoever came up w/ the idea is a marketing genius. "They will spend money to pacify themselves," he said. And he was right.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Have you ever had one of those moments when you're jamming on some bass and get your tone juuuuust so and have to crank it w/o regard to your current situation, only to hear a huge crash upstairs followed by your two very polite neighbors pounding furiously on the ground and screaming at you? I just did.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Parents:

Their is no excuse to bring your kids to work w/ you. If you can't find child care, make them drink mint schnapps and hot cocoa until they pass out and leave them at home. Simple as that.

Students:

School sucks but it's better than most everything else so do your best not to graduate.

Ducks:

What the hell does quack mean? I have a feeling even you don't know. Seriously. Shut up until you have something to say.

Couches:

How did you get to be so comfortable? Were you born that way or was it a skill you acquired at some point in life? I would have to think you work for years earning advanced degrees only to be sat on all day.
Weekly Wrapup? What?

Here's what I did:

  1. Your mom. (Ha!)
  2. Fixed a problem and found out I liked it better broken.
  3. Chopped up a tomato at the speed of light. (Mind blowing, really.)
  4. Dodged a bullet.
  5. Won at pool w/o sinking a single shot.
  6. six six
  7. Chalked it up to experience.
  8. Stank.
  9. Considered various whiskeys and went w/ beer.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

The trick to being a good science fiction writer is appropriate use of the words "atavistic" and "gestalt." You must use one or the other at least once every two novels and when you use them you have to use them in such a way that it's impossible to surmise the meaning of the sentence w/o knowing the meaning of the word. What this does is conjure images of of pork-fingered geeks stumbling through a collegiate dictionaries and that is the height of literary might.

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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Robert Heinlein:

Even though you're dead, I would appreciate if you took the time to rewrite your novels such that the last hundred pages have at least some small connection to the first two hundred pages. Don't think I haven't noticed that they spontaneously devolve into strange libertarian (or something) rants toward the end.

Dogs:

Don't do whatever it is your thinking of doing. Just sit still and wait for someone to give you a pat on the head and a treat.

Germans:

How's the country? I hope you aren't planning any more wars. Your military actions in the past have caused us all a lot of trouble and I'd hate to see it happen again.

People who play Bingo:

B-13, B-13... B-13

Cowboys:

I like your hats for the most part but I have to say your belt-buckles and boots could be toned down a level. Seriously. You're like ladies w/ all that fancy stitching and shiny metal you go around wearing.

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Friday, January 19, 2007

Horseback riding is the stupidest hobby. You pay thousands and thousands of dollars to entrust your life to gigantic, lumbering animal.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

The internet bores me.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

I can't explain why I haven't been posting here as of late. I think it is mostly because I don't want to but can never be sure.

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